So as I’m walking the dogs down to the beach yesterday morning, I notice these drops of blood, every so often, on the sidewalk. Not paint. Not berries. Definitely blood. I keep seeing them. Creeoy and weird. I stop following them to go down the cliff to run the dogs, but the whole time they’re running, I’m thinking, what would Dexter do in this situation? There is BLOOD on the street and a lot of it and it makes a trail and, goshdarnit. This is a mystery and it needs to be solved. Nancy Drew!

So back we go, to try and track the whole trail. Me and Team Small Dog, highly trained search and rescue blood tracking dogs and their detective owner. Where highly trained is possibly on the job training. Actually, on the job training. I learn a lot of stuff from tv. Dexter knows how to read those blood splatters and now I do too. Because, what if somebody was murdered and the body is hidden somewhere, and maybe I could solve the crime? There is a weird Westside murder mystery happening right now, and I dunno, just seems like if you see a track of blood you should follow it.

Hey, this house is for sale in our neighborhood. Right by where I believe the blood trail begins. Just in case all this makes you want to move to the Westside. Hotbed of dog agility! Weird murder mysteries! Blind elderly lady assaulted and robbed on Seaside Street! $435,000 for a house the size of a potato across the street from the church where they let people sleep in their campers and their big dogs run out in the street after small dogs that are just walking by!

Clearly, it started up on the corner by the other church. There are 3 churches in our neighborhood. This one is my favorite. When I was sleuthing around out front, there were some church ladies getting out of their big red Caddy out front. I pretended I wasn’t a detective because I didn’t want them worried that someone had been stabbed or something in front of the church. It seemed sort of inappropriate to mention this to them right when they’re heading in to church. The chuch ladies always dress up in fancy dresses and giant hats at this church.

I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find any droplets going anywhere but down Woodrow Ave., starting at the church.

It was pretty easy to follow the trail. I had the tracking dogs and my eagle eyes.

Maybe this isn’t how most people train tracking dogs, but I would show the dogs the blood spatters and they would sniff them. Then I’d whisper, “Go find more blood!” Whispering seemed like a good idea because, I dunno. Sort of weird.

Something I learned about teaching blood spatter sniffing to the dogs was they also like to sniff everything else at the same time. Also, don’t mention that you are tracking a blood splatter trail down the street to random people because they are going to look at you like you have 3 heads. Even if they are a groovy hippie picking flowers out of someone’s front yard. I can’t believe no one else was freaked out enough to try to solve this mystery though. I thought the whole neighborhood would be out there with me. Not.

Like why is no one else all worried that there is a blood trail going down Woodrow Avenue? HELLO!

Gustavo may have been the best blood sniffer of the group. I think he was getting scared though because he was worried he was going to see dead people. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.

We almost lost the trail down where Woodrow hits the ocean. But we found it again. I found it again, with eagle eyes. So, OK, not to brag, but I am a better tracker than certain tracking dogs.

At least they LOOK like good tracking dogs.

The trail seemed thinner down here, with the spatters fewer and farther between, but ever so often there would be a little grouping of them, as if the bleeder had to stop and rest for a minute.

Not to digress, but this is Kiko. We helped keep him from running away. Kiko may not realize that’s his name. Also we helped a guy on a bike find his lost husky! We felt like real K9 cops!

The sun came out and the Team had a little break, while I did some surveillance where I thought I had lost the trail. Here’s the thing when you’re tracking a bleeder. They might make erratic moves. It had crossed the street a couple times, and it was Sunday morning and traffic on West Cliff and all.

It took a while, but I finally found the trail-the bleeder had climbed through those bushes by that guy’s driveway. The guy was just standing out in his driveway for a long time. At first I was going to tell him about the bleeder that went through his yard sometime in the night but then I thought maybe this is something best not told? Sort of based on the reactions I had gotten when informing random people walking down the street about this. Also he looked super grumpy and starey, which might have had something to do with the fact of me poking around in his bushes then going across the street and photographing him. Sorry guy. But at least I picked the trail back up.

It was getting pretty faint by this time, and turned the corner and went up Columbia Street. No matter where I looked, I couldn’t pick it up again at the corner of Columbia and Pelton. No more blood. I looked everywhere.

Sort of by this house. But not exactly. So then I’m just out in the street wondering, now what? Door to door asking if someone was bleeding? Anyone seen any bodies? This was a problem. I hadn’t planned for this part. I just was planning that I was solving the mystery. Didn’t really think about actually, how solving the mystery at the end of the blood trail. Not sure what Nancy Drew would do now. Phone a friend?

We walked back up to the church. Did some surveillance for a while, poked around in the bushes again. Could not pick up the other end of the trail. I wasn’t sure, should I call the real cops? Would they send a Dexter? There was no body, just the blood splatter evidence. Someone had been bleeding for about 10 blocks. Lost a lot of blood. Someone, or something. A bloody dog?

So I walked home and told Gary how I just spent the entire morning. He gives me one of those eye rolling, head shaking looks like, You Did What? He didn’t think the actual police want to hear from Nancy Drew and her dog sniffing team about the trail of blood through the Westside. Not unless I found a body or something. Actually he didn’t really believe me but I had pictures! Then he was sort of freaked out, but we didn’t call the cops.

So mystery, so not solved. I know, you thought you were getting an exciting ending because Team Small Dog has solved the crime with their sniffing skills and Laura with her shrewdness and cunning. I think all we learned is we are completely suck ass as detectives. And yeah. Something creepy definitely happening on the Westside these days.