Welcome to Laura’s new internet which we now call Laura’s Internet in a Box.


I really like the internet. Except for when I am screaming “I HATE THE INTERNET I HATE THE INTERNET!” and stomping loudly around. In clogs. Maybe even wet, muddy clogs.

When my internet broke, a long, long time ago I like to call Last Week When the Internet Broke, I became very sad, but resigned to the fact that it is hard to fix the internet when you are at work at a ranch 45 minutes away from the internet, where there is no internet. In times like this, the internet lives at the coffee shop 3 blocks from my house that is open first thing in the morning but closed by the time I get home from work.


All week, I anxiously awaited my next day off, when it was going to be the Day We Fixed the Internet. I started this day by calling Don, the guy that works at the internet place. It is a lucky day when you get to actually speak to Don.


Here’s Don. Actually, maybe it isn’t Don but as far as we know, it COULD be Don.


We talked about plugs and cords and blinking lights and such for a long time. I plugged and uplugged and then Don said I was going to have to go outside and find the thingy with the plugs out there.


I’m all, “Don! It’s raining at my house! Is it raining over there at the internet?”

Don just chuckled. Don was kind of a chuckler. He said that maybe when it stops raining, I could go back to fixing the internet, and for me to just let him know how that goes.

Ha HA! Them is fighting words, Don. Because the internet needed to get fixed TODAY. Rain or no Rain.


So thanks to the miracle of the umbrella and a screwdriver named Phillip, I decided I needed to take the fixing of the internet into my own hands. Maybe this had something to do with Don saying I had to take this portion of fixing the internet into my own hands or else The Phone Company would have to get involved. You know what that means. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being you are asked to prepare an Excel spreadsheet and 10 involving dog barf, I would rather deal with multiple dogs barfing on Excel spreadsheets than deal with the phone company. Don also said something something about the wires and I poked them a couple times with a screwdriver until I remembered what Karl Ewald told me about poking wires with screwdrivers that are plugged in and so then we just left those wires alone.


So as part of my due diligence of careful testing of many internet theories, including extension cords and the spare modem and some more plugs and power on power off power on power off and about a million trips in and out the house and the muddy clogs, I had this idea to try putting the whole internet in a sturdy, waterproof, outdoor container and just try putting the internet out there by the magic outside phone box.


Well, there were a lot of steps involved in reaching this level of engineering genius, and you’re not seeing the final version that involved the step called An Even Larger Plastic Bag, but eventually, I had an internet, as long as it lived outside in the rain, in a box. This was very exciting. Are you reading this, Don?


The whole box thing seemed sad and damp, but then I remembered a secret trick I invented back in the old days of perhaps living in places that didn’t exactly have a phone. The super long phone plug trick! Having a super long phone plug can be very useful if you need to, ahem, borrow phone service sometimes. Mine is about 1/2 mile long and I still keep the super long phone cord buried in the garage for issues such as this. Emphasis on the buried.

So the moral of this story is, I have fixed the internet! Sort of. I still have to talk to Don about this. The whole cardboard box thing and really long phone cord and plastic bags might not be exactly what he had in mind. Not very chuckle worthy. It actually works super good in the box although the whole dampness thing and racoon potential and if I need the umbrella later on make it perhaps, not a permanent solution. This is just something that for today, I’ll figure out tomorow. Or later. At least I have an internet!