Working on our tight turns-meet our friend, Decel.


In fancy dog agility splaining terms, if you run fast, your dog should run fast. And if you stop, your dog should slow down. And if you’ve been consistent with this red light green light methodology, your dog should be like a little race car that always goes really, really fast as the light turns yellow and doesn’t even carefully look for the nice officer in unironic mirror shades giving his buddy a high five at the other side of the intersection while he flicks the little switch that turns on his blue light and makes the sireny sound.


Put on the gas, everyone goes, put on the brakes, everybody stops. Whiplash! For a nice tight turn, you only want enough stop time for your dog to start a turn, then you got to put on the gas again. Decel and it’s friend, accel, the turn and burn.


Please don’t confuse decel with desal. In which a large ocean factory, preferably with a nuclear reactor, takes sea water and boils out the salt and renders it a-ok for drinking when all the land water’s been used up for things like stonewashing pants or has been trapped into bazillions of plastic, single serving bottles. Or decaff. In which your coffee has been rendered a less jittery impotent by quaffing the beejeezus out of the little green beans with solvents and shoved into single use, paper cups at corporate behemoth coffee shops with branded soundtracks. Or decompose. As in corpses. The rotting kind, who are sometimes actually the undead, and then they’re walking around and eating flesh and cannibal apocalypse trumps dog agility every time. Same with denude. Because there’s going to be enough of that real soon in airports. When some underpaid, overweight security agent with bad breath is totally going to see you naked.


So you get it now, right? Decel, is our friend. Denude, super embarrassing when they see what you were hiding in your Spanx. Not a bomb. Just a big, sloppy gut. And what if I have Otterpop with me? Am I gonna hold her up over my head when they scream “HANDS UP!” and she isn’t even WEARING underpants, so what if they want to grope her private areas before they let her on the plane? Even if I was flying somewhere like Canada?


So anyways. You are now comfortable with your decel? Will work on this for your tight turns? I thought so. Keep calm and don’t forget to play with your dog.