Top Ten things actual remarks made to Laura at the dog show Sunday.



10. What’s the matter with Otterpop?

9. What’s the matter with Gustavo?

8. Maybe you should be thinking about getting a puppy?

7. Maybe you should try being meaner to your dogs sometimes?

6. Maybe Rob would let you run Wings?

5. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!*

4. Your necklace is so cute!**

3. Sometimes it’s good for us to be humbled.

2. Oh MY.

1.

1.

1. Actually, I can’t bear to go on. None of us had a good day. I am frustrated. The dogs are fully over it and running around the house like normal. Like the good and perfect dogs they are. Except in dog shows. Where them and me, no matter how hard we practice, fall into old bad habits, pick up new bad habits, and generally suck.

Maybe Team Small Dog goes on hiatus after this. I have no idea. I can probably read a bunch of inspirational quotes and cowgirl up and go back, once again, to doing a million teeter totters with Gustavo and maybe I can find Otterpop a new psychic that can tell us why she wants to stare at judges and turn off her excited, frenzied barking the second she moves on to the startline. Maybe if you clap 3 times and whistle hard I’llI crawl out from under my table. Maybe not.

I have been trying so hard to get good at this, I thought I was getting good at this. But it would seem, that I’m not getting good at this.

*This happened as I was dragging Gustavo out from under the table in Standard where he got stuck in an On the table-Under the table-On the table-Under the table-On the table-Under the table-And so on-Vortex, and resulted in my wailing at all the laughers, including the judge, as I fled from the ring with poor Gustavo in my arms, “Don’t LAUGH at us!!!”

**If you haven’t seen my friend Wendy’s necklaces yet, look for her at a trial near you. Super cute.