Oh look! It’s Christmas, right there on the corner near the river levee. Baby Jesus is being born while the light up reindeer snack on pine boughs stolen from a state park. It warms the heart and says, “Do Not Enter or Turn Right” all at the same time.

It sort of looks like Mary is praying for her log bomb to stay in it’s Down on the table for the full 5 second count. Santa is counting away merrily, jovially, loudly, in the background while also giving Mary and her bomb 5 faults, and Joseph is praying too, because he is a Holy Course Builder and if this log bomb of a dog finishes, the class is over and he can go on to build the next course or perhaps even pack the trailer.

You know how this ends. Baby Jesus grows up speaking about compassion and integrity but from such a Christian point of view he’s murdered on a totally separate holiday in which Santa plays absolutely no part. This all takes part in the winter when it’s just a huge pain in the hiney (cannot say ass in this post due to it also involving baby Jesus) to even do dog agility due to way too many jackets which constrict movement (Actual Proof-I had on 3 coats in class the other night and incurred many faults I blame on encumbered limbs) and the days being so dark so early that people have to use glow in the dark reindeer just to see, let alone try to run dogs.

So December marks when everybody not in Florida sits around and drinks and quietly asks Santa and baby Jesus for presents like a new house with a big yard or pajamas with a colorful chihuahua pattern or a handbag made from vintage upholstery of a 1977 Chevette or a black and red striped tunnel with glitter flake sandbags. And then Santa says something like, “No Way! Because you are probably drunk and really not a good person and will get an itunes gift card instead.” And baby Jesus says something like, “Peace on Earth and thanks for being nice to your dogs!” And dog agility looks tired and asks to take a little break until after the holidays.