You are not supposed be crouching down and grimacing at your dog in dog agility. That is just not part of the whole deal. Because if the photographer happens to catch this, it is just not a flattering photo. Otterpop actually looks kind of cute in a scrappy, feral way.

She was actually a very good dog at the whole dog show. No one took any photos of Ruby that I can find. Who really was a good dog. Ruby has turned into a little worker bee. She is well behaved, and does a good job, even if I screw it up for her. Then she goes to sleep to rest up for her next turn. Easy.

Otterpop is much more high maintenance. Mostly because she is Trouble. Like at work she climbs out of the dog run. She has to know where I am. She is actually fairly well behaved some of the time, but in a shrewd and pathologically calculating way. And of course Gustavo thinks she is the coolest thing ever and probably aspires to be just like her. Instead of the good citizen dog.

OK, so what is wrong with this. In one photo, I am grimacing at her. In this one, it is like I have made my teeth like my old scarey teeth paintings of the J. Crew people. And I am wearing a highly wrinkled and unflattering outfit because, like Otterpop, I am just plain old fat. Blubbery and all grimacing teeth bared and no wonder Otterpop is afraid of the teeter at a dog show. It isn’t the judge. It is ME! I watch America’s Top Model reruns. I should know a lot better than this. Janice Dickinson and Miss Jay would totally eat me alive for this, not to mention the non anorexic look featured in the outfit. Maybe if someone nominated me for What Not to Wear, someone could figure out a flattering and cute yet functional dog agility ensemble that would make all of us happy.